Monday, August 20, 2012

Goodbye 265

Well recently my mother's house...the home I grew up in is facing foreclosure.  

I'm feeling extremely sad right now.

For the past few weeks everyone was scrambling to get things packed.  The house has become a haven for much of the families stuff.  It's been a lot of work and sadly many things are going to have to be lost.  This is a rather hard for me right now and I am sure it is rough on the rest of my family as well.  I know it is on my mother. 

It 's odd there are some things that you think will be around for ever.  This home was on of those things that I always would be around.  I could always come to visit.  When times are hard there was always a place for me to go.  That's what I thought at least, sadly that's not what has happened.

Where mostly all packed, most of the stuff that we are taking has been packed and placed in their new homes or will be shipped out to brothers who are out of state. 

Right now as I type this I am spending the night at the house more then likely for the very last time.  I told everyone that I wanted to finish some packing but the truth is I'm really having hard time letting go and I'm trying to hold on this house as long as I can.

For the past two weeks part of me felt like weeping for the lost of my home.  But I never did, until today.  Me and my mom came back to the house to do a little more packing and moving.  After moving things around try to find what's in a room that pretty much became a storage room over the years I took a seat on the staircase to lead up to my childhood bed room which was most recently my youngest brother's room.   My little brother placed a lot of items on one side of the staircase and for the first time in years.  I looked and the stairs and sat down on them.  This was something I often did when I was a kid and when I saw the bare steps I thought it's been ages since I sat down on those stairs.  When I sat down I wasn't ready for the emotional hit I was about to take.  I sat down and memories of the past came flying in.  I can't say the memories flooded in but they made a big emotional impact on me and I started to cry right their on the steps.

I don't know why it happened then, instead of earlier but it was a strong emotional punch of young me doing things.   Like sliding down the steps.  Maybe because I was to busy and today was the first time that things have winded down.  Maybe it's because we've reached the final days and up until know I was hoping something would happen that would get us out of foreclosure, but that hasn't yet happened and we have to be out by Tuesday.  

I don't know why it happened now but I have gone from being a bit sad about the lost but focusing on packing and thinking that their most be a bright side, a new begin to really feel the lost.  Maybe I was looking at the fact that the house has seen better days, we've had plumping problems for a while and last year a tree fell on the house and we haven't been able to get all of the repairs needed.  But for what ever reason I didn't cry back then, today it has hit me like a ton of bricks.   After the breakdown on the steps, I've been feeling very sad about the lost of the house. 

I'm still feeling in this mourning state as I typed this.  I'm not sure what I will do with a place that has been an anchor for me for so long. 

I should get back to work,  I found a webcam in the house and thought I tested it house and I thought I would test it out and I wasted hours just to find for some reason the mic isn't recording.  So I can make videos with no sound. 

I also need to get some rest because I've been going since early this morning plus yesterday (tough yesterday was a lot more work)

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